Commander Rumlow
“I love how you NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME”
“No I won’t stop stapling tortillas to the wall this is ART”
“Your underwear is really ugly, you should take them off”
“Last time you wanted to watch a horror movie you cried all night and didn’t sleep for three days”
“Knock knock! …Knock knock…? Okay I swear I won’t say banana again”
“I swear to drunk I’m not God”
“My doctor said you shouldn’t drink after taking meds, so I take them WITH alcohol”
“I know I haven’t showered in a week but I saw a spider in the tub and LOST IT”
“hELLO!! tHe mOST impOrTANT PERSON IS HOME!!!”
“Yeah can I get 20 mcdoubles. Yeah, 20. Two zero.”
“Okay you could go to work but get this, how about instead- you don’t and stay in bed with me”
“It’s not a fetish until you have a Deviantart collection for it”
“Mini horses make me so uncomfortable, I want them to be normal sized”
“I’m gonna make dinner so go ahead and have the fire department and pizza hut on speed dial”
“Oh yeah I’ve totally done- uh- weed. I love gardening”
“It’s not an obsession it’s a keen interest- I don’t care if I have three body pillows it’s a KEEN INTEREST”
“Maybe if I just ignore them they’ll stop trynna kill me”
“I’ll just put this fire over here with the rest of the fire”
“Can you believe that people actually ENJOY coleslaw?? What savages”
“First time I kissed a boy was the time I realized I was probably homosexual”
“It’s not gay if it’s for art”
“I like you but in the ‘please shut up for five seconds’ way”
“Let’s get fake ID’s and buy fish from Petco”
“I brought home a kitten, her name is Mary Lious Ann Kate the Third”
“I just hate the word moist, it makes me so uncomfortable”
“Starbucks is so overpriced let’s go get a frap”
